Day Three – Progress Report

Life is blurry today with less sleep, and a disturbed psyche. I am currently trying to overcome panic in my chest and anxiety in my mind. The reason I find myself writing is, to heal.

Making myself go to bed at a decent hour is going to kill me I think; I have always loved nighttime, the moon, the stars, the peace and sometimes the chaos. So it seems almost silly to me that I would take that pleasure out of my life.

I also thought maybe I can have a later schedule that can still suit the needs of my family and myself. The more I thought about it though, the more clear it is to me that I have a child to worry about too. She needs structure way more than I do, and I plan on giving it to her.

I am going to adjust my experiment a little today, tweek it to what seems a little more reasonable to accomplish. Not lowering my standards or anything, I just want to keep it real. I am going to add a slightly later bedtime on weekends and extend the stages to have wiggle room for habit learning. Especially sleep!

My mind is all over the place right now, going here and there and upside down and backwards simultaneously.
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Here is what I’ve learned so far…

To have realistic expectations of myself.
To set realistic goals along with these expectations.
How to – kinda – not spin out of control with self-loathing and guilt, and moving on rather spiralling downward.

Unfortunately, I don’t know the sure-fire fix for a goods nights sleep and healthy patterns, but I am working it out along the way. I encourage people to do the same thing, work your way through big problems slowly, and with confidence. I know I am going to do the thing, and I am learning how as I go along. Aim high and don’t shoot yourself down. That’s what I tell myself.

I’m going to wrap up this update because I have a revised plan to draft, and more of my brain to put into words.

Thank you for reading, here are some pretty pictures I took earlier whilst trying to get out of a panic, shortly before I wrote this post.
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CassiRadzi

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