I do this a lot. Where I find myself thinking about the things I’m thinking about. Then before I know it, the thoughts I was thinking multiply into more thoughts about thinking about thoughts about thinking.
I think about thinking, and why I shouldn’t be thinking, and how I should actually be doing. Then I think about doing instead of doing the thing that I’m thinking. On and on this cycle goes until I am exhausted. However, exhaustion does not stop the thought-provoking thoughts from provoking more thoughts.
Are you confused yet?
This is your brain on ADHD.
Exhaustion only makes things worse. The thoughts get more and more judgmental as the day goes on. They go from thinking about thinking about what I need to get done today, to thinking about how awful a person I am for not doing the things, to thinking about how I could never have accomplished those things anyway even if I had stopped thinking about doing them for long enough to actually do them.
The cycle wears off after a while. Wait, no it doesn’t, who am I kidding. It keeps freaking going. From the moment I wake up until the moment I fall asleep. I am thinking about thinking about thinking, and my thoughts are all against me, and I can never fucking get anything done with all this racket!
Accept I can. Because like anyone else with ADD/ADHD we learn to deal with the racket. We develop many tiny little coping mechanisms to get us through the day. For example:
- Sometimes, I DON’T let myself think about the thoughts. Sometimes I can just turn that shit off, and let those thoughts float around. Those are fun times. I like those times.
- Other times, I play a game in my head, where I have to convince myself that there is another person in my brain saying bad things to me. “Don’t believe that voice talking Cassie, that’s just the jerk that lives in your head to make your life miserable” This works well, because when I frame it as an outside source trying to destroy me, a self-preservation mechanism kicks in to defeat it. Whereas, if it were just me talking to me, I must be right. Right?
- Another thing I do, I just breathe it out. In for 4, hold for 7, out for 8. WORKS EVERY TIME. Only for a minute or two though, at which point, I just do it again! Pretty cool, I know.
- Yoga too! So cliché, anyone who’s everyone talks about the benefits of yoga. Moving your body gets you out of your head, who knew? And, when I don’t have the patience to sit the fuck still for a minute, I just dance my ass off like a crazy person. That helps a lot when thinking about thinking about thoughts.
- And, you guessed it, WRITING! The whole reason I started this blog, the whole reason I continue this blog at all. I love to write, it helps me. I do it for me mostly, it’s just a bonus that crazy people like you read my shit and like it.
There are many more coping mechanisms, but maybe I should write about that another time, because I could go on and on and on about that! It’s worthy of a separate blog post, that’s for sure.
Thanks for taking this crazy ride with me folks!
Until the next time I need to brain vomit all over the screen. Your reading this helps me more than you could ever realize.
Much love, happy freaking hump day!